The shattered illusion of motherhood and becoming my own superhero.
Is this my new normality? Will it be like this forever? Will I ever get back to that place I once called home?
Being a mum is incredibly hard work. Fact.
No one really talks about how insanely difficult motherhood can be, or how demanding or transformative. We aren’t born knowing all the answers, we have to learn hard and fast. I’m still catching up!
I wasn’t taught about how to deal with the expectations of being a mum, or how to manage my emotions so that I didn’t crumble into a million pieces. No one warned or prepared me for the monumental rollercoaster I would face.
No one said you’ll transform into a new superhuman capable of multitasking beyond comprehensible measures, and that you’ll love so hard yet be intoxicated with anxieties you didn’t even know existed!
Months and months of exhaustion, sleep deprivation and crappy food habits left me feeling misplaced and confounded. And very grumpy! I didn’t feel like me, I didn’t know who I was anymore.
Motherhood was defiantly not the ‘Disneyland experience’ I thought it would be.
The first year was spent in what I can only describe as mental torture. Sadly, it was a rocky start. A whirlwind of emotions.
- I was riddled with grief for my old life,
- I felt a loss of identity.
- Disconnected with who I was, with barley a moment for ‘me time’.
- Exhausted beyond belief and no plan of how to move forward.
There I was, stuck in a fog of motherhood.
Don’t get me wrong. I did have some very precious times, I did laugh, and I did love. But sadly, yet not uncommonly, these experiences were, for a long time, overshadowed by the darkness. I found this time incredibly difficult and distressing.
One year in and I was ready for a challenge – a change – to become creative again, get back into some sort of work. I craved the space and time to have my own thoughts. And partake in something adulty. I wanted to go back to work.
But I knew at this point that I didn’t want to go back into the 9-5 working week again. The regimented structure has never really suited me.
I wanted to be creative, be practical, to be helping others. With a Degree in Occupational Therapy and mountain of experience I found myself caught in a whirlwind of ideas battling it out.
What do I do? How do I do it? And where do I start?!
I wanted to use my brain again and was so desperate to regain some level of sanity!
Feeling frustrated and confused, I just couldn’t make any decisions any more. So, I decided to throw the gauntlet down and let the universe tell me what to do….
This is what I did:
I put my big girl pants on, and I did five things that changed my life forever:
- I surrendered to the universe. (Sitting crossed legged, eyes closed, palms facing up I took a big deep breath and said “I surrender to your guidance. I trust in the path you will show me. I am ready, show me what to do, where to start.”)
- I allowed myself to create some ‘me time’, with space to think and plan. (This involved grandparents taking my boy to playgroups/park/shopping/anywhere so I could grab an hour to myself)
- I started to make positive change happen. (I grabbed opportunities when I saw them)
- YOGA (weekly, regular yoga sessions)
- I made an appointment with a Nutritional Therapist (This transformed my entire system: mood, weight, and lifted my fog)
I had no idea that a brand-new world was about to explode right in front of me!
After a whole year of self-learning, self-discovery, acceptance and self-love my next chapter began.
I found myself immersed in reading books and watching YouTube videos on starting up home businesses, female entrepreneurship, manifestations and visualisation work. I’ve always used visualisation and manifestation techniques to guide a lot of my decision making and trust in my intuition. So, for me this was familiar ground, it felt safe and welcoming, but also highly enticing…
By opening up, letting go, and taking a path of self-exploration I had created the space I needed to figure out a way forward.
Like a lightbulb moment! I knew that I could use my professional expertise as an Occupational Therapist, a Holistic Life Coach, and my own experiences as a mum, to create Occupational Wellness programs for other mums!
The more I immersed myself in this vision of my future, the more I started to feel myself being guided towards setting up a business which could help hundreds, if not thousands of other mums.
As the realisation that this is what I should be doing grew, I found myself waking up with butterflies in my stomach. I had just been through a huge transformation myself. And if I found a way to become unstuck, to find my calling. Then maybe I could help other mums, just like me, to find their passions again, regain their identity, their motivation toward creating the life they want.
I realised I had a story to tell.
Spread the word, support, empower and inspire…Yes!
New ideas were exploding in my head. It was like a massive ‘bomb of clarity’ had just been dropped. This was how I could incorporate all my passions and achieve fulfilment. It was so exhilarating!
I felt I was being guided from a place of darkness and confusion into a new enriched and gratifying world. I had taken a twisted path to get here, but I now realised that I had the ability and the skills and the desire to help other women who were feeling isolated, disconnected and stuck. Help them to regain their confidence, to trust in themselves, discover their own passions and reinstate balance.
I wanted to help these amazing women to reach a place of clarity and empowerment. I was finally on my path.
I wanted to call out to other mums, to say it’s OK not to feel OK, its normal to be bewildered and exhausted by the trials of motherhood.
To give hope, inspiration to others, to follow their instincts and discover their passions. To provide a place of belonging and togetherness, a platform to voice our emotions and normalise the craziness of motherhood which so often we don’t feel we can vocalise.
It’s not been an easy ride, far from it. I continue to come up against challenges. But, through months of hard work, perseverance and dedication I have developed a new way to work through them.
Surrendering to the universe and throwing blind faith at my intuition was THE BEST decision I ever made.
I have turned my life around…and for the better!
I am now loving my journey into motherhood and being a mum. I finally have clarity in my life and the bond with my child is so strong and I feel connected with who I am. I’m happy, and I’m busy creating a life I love.
I am inspired every single day to reach out to others. My life is better than it has ever been, and I am the very best version of myself.
And for that I owe everything to my son. My baby. My life changer. My world.
Without him exploding into my life I wouldn’t be here today. Motivated to create change, to be part of a movement in time.
To empower and inspire women all over the globe to be open, to share their story, to feel understood and have the confidence to make their voice heard.
Remember. You are not alone; we will do this together. You have got this, and the sisterhood has got your back.